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Survey shows that 40% of people would end a relationship if they found their partner was hiding debt from them
In a nutshell
- Two-thirds of Americans with debt lie about or hide their financial struggles from family and friends
- The average American carries $42,000 in debt but understates the amount by $6,565 when discussing it
- Shame drives the secrecy, with nearly 30% citing embarrassment as their main reason for hiding debt
- Financial deception damages relationships for 73% of people with debt, often causing arguments and isolation
AUSTIN — Sarah thought she was protecting her marriage when she told her husband their credit card balance was “around $3,000” instead of the crushing $8,500 reality. She’s not alone. A recent survey reveals that two in three Americans with debt are actively hiding the true extent of their financial struggles from the people closest to them.
The study of 1,078 adults by Self Financial exposes a nation drowning not just in debt, but in the shame that comes with it. Of those carrying debt, 66.3% admitted to minimizing or hiding it from others. This breaks down to 28.1% outright lying about their situation, 20.8% downplaying how bad things really are, and 17.4% avoiding the topic entirely.
How Much Debt Americans Actually Carry
More than 8 in 10 Americans (83.4%) are currently carrying debt, with the average amount reaching nearly $42,000, according to the survey. But here’s the real problem: when people do talk about their debt, they’re dramatically understating reality. On average, respondents downplayed their debt by $6,565. A conversation about a “$5,000 problem” might actually involve debt exceeding $11,000.
Debt hits hardest among people aged 27-42, before gradually declining with age. For many, debt isn’t about reckless spending. Nearly half (45.5%) said they accumulated debt due to income problems like job loss or reduced pay. Loan-related debt followed at 40.4%, with health-related debt close behind at 39.9%.
A third of people with debt owe more than $50,000, and three-quarters have borrowed money from family or friends, averaging $1,744 per loan.
Why People Hide Money Problems
Shame drives the secrecy, with 29.7% of people citing embarrassment as their main reason for hiding debt. Another 19.6% don’t want to burden others, while 17.3% fear being judged.
The emotional toll is severe. Among those hiding debt, the strongest feelings are embarrassment (30.9%), anxiety (22.4%), and fear (20.1%). The mental health consequences include depression (22.1%), constant worry (19.6%), and difficulty sleeping (16.7%).
More than 6 in 10 people with debt feel isolated because of their financial struggles, with men (66.3%) more likely to feel this way than women (59.2%).
How Money Lies Damage Relationships
Financial deception is systematically damaging American relationships. Nearly 73% of people with debt say it has hurt their relationships with friends and family. The damage appears as feelings of insecurity in relationships (44.2%), arguments (32%), and avoiding certain people or situations (30.9%).
People are most likely to hide debt from friends (53.8%), followed by family members (38.8%) and spouses (36%). The spouse statistic is particularly concerning, as more than one in three people are lying to their life partner about money.
The consequences of discovery can end relationships. Two in five people said their partner would break up with them if they discovered hidden debt. Only 42.2% were confident their relationship would survive the truth.
Suspicion runs both ways. Most respondents believed their partners had been financially deceptive: 60.3% thought a partner had hidden debt from them, and 63.3% believed a partner had hidden expensive purchases out of embarrassment.
The Challenge of Getting Out of Debt
While 85.6% of people in debt have a plan to get out of it, nearly half (45.7%) struggle to follow through. The biggest obstacles aren’t personal failings but economic realities: high cost of living (35.2%), insufficient income or job opportunities (25.8%), and unexpected expenses (23.1%).
Interestingly, older Americans showed more success at sticking to their debt reduction strategies. Those aged 59 and above had an 80% success rate, while the 27-42 age group, despite carrying the most debt, struggled most with follow-through.
Methodology: Self Financial conducted this survey in March 2025 using Amazon’s survey platform with 1,078 randomly selected adults. The survey covered debt amounts, disclosure patterns, reasons for hiding debt, and mental health impacts. Most respondents (69.3%) were aged 27-42, which may affect how well these results apply to all Americans. The group was 55.5% female and 42.9% male.
