COLUMBIA, Mo. — Perhaps love and marriage don’t go together like a horse and carriage after all. A new study finds that older Americans looking for love are latching onto a new trend that tempers the demands of a committed relationship, a phenomenon known as “Living Apart Together,” or “LAT.”
Spurred by a divorce rate that has doubled among this demographic since 1990, many older singles — often divorced or widowed — have taken on “an intimate relationship without a shared residence.” New research was conducted upon the increasingly popular relationship arrangement among those 50 years of age or older.
According to Jacquelyn Benson, a researcher at the University of Missouri who is entrenched in the topic, LAT has long been an established phenomenon in Europe. Only in recent years is the trend reaching the United States en masse.
“What has long been understood about late-in-life relationships is largely based on long-term marriage,” Benson explains in a release. With marriage rates amongst older Americans declining, she argues that “if more people— young and old, married or not— saw LAT as an option, it might save them from a lot of future heartache.”
LAT couples want independence, but should still discuss end-of-life care
For their study, Benson and another researcher interviewed adults who were at least 60 years of age and in committed relationships, yet didn’t live together. From their interactions with this demographic, the two researchers found that there were a number of motivating factors for a LAT-type relationship.
A major theme seemed to be independence— older couples wanted their family and finances to remain separate from their partner. A stigma revolving around living together and not being wed at an older age also played a factor; many expressed that describing their partner as a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” would feel awkward.
Benson, who is continuing her research, points out how she hopes to help discover and resolve issues pertaining to LAT arrangements and late life imperatives, such as end-of-life planning and caregiving.
“Discussions about end-of-life planning and caregiving can be sensitive to talk about; however, LAT couples should make it a priority to have these conversations both as a couple and with their families,” she says. “Many of us wait until a crisis to address those issues, but in situations like LAT where there are no socially prescribed norms dictating behavior these conversations may be more important than ever.”
The study is published in the journal Family Relations.
People are delusional. You’re born alone, you die alone, and you just bullshiite yourself in between.
Wow! What a happy guy you are! No wonder you’re alone. Stay single, Hominid.
LOL!! I’ve been happily married to one in the same woman for 48 years. We raised three good sons to independent manhood. My wife and I live a comfortable life full of enjoyment. Only stupid fools presume to make long distance judgments about others.
Traditional marriage is a mainstay of cultures around the world, from time immemorial.
Why fix what ain’t broke?
Property disposition is easily solved with a Pre-nup and shared property results in cost savings and a better life. E.g. one dwelling is cheaper than two.
At the heart of it, IMO: Total commitment, honored to the end, is ennobling, not specious, IMO.
I’m 85. My first wife died in our living room where I cared for her until the end, after 53 years of marriage.
My wife of 6 years now and I each remember with love our eternal commitments to our loved ones now dead. The past is prologue.
I’m going to buy the first commercially viable female sexbot so I never again have to experience betrayal from a wife of 30 yrs who broke my heart.
Experts say those sex robots will become very popular in the future with men. I can just hear the feminists seething with rage over this.
Marriage is a complete INDUSTRY into itself!!!
And it sounds so nice as there are many benefits, especially around children.
HOWEVER, the reality is that it is a lot of PAIN for both parties!
And it isn’t for everyone.
And for all the hype, finding that PERFECT person is JUST WAY TOO HARD.
It’s no phenomenon. Money is so tight in America, no elder wants to risk losing any bit of it…. anymore.
My wife of decades served me with divorce papers just for having a female friend she didn’t approve of. So be it. I won’t get married again and I will look to enjoy to the maximum whatever quality of life time I have left.
Does sleeping in a different bedroom count?
marriage(two becomes three with the government) is for the lower social economic groups. The more sophisticated ,the higher social economic groups, see that LAT is the lifestyle amongst us.
What makes that more sophisticated?
intelligence, my dear, intelligence
Think deeper. You completely missed my point. Typical
Some widows do not ever get married again, because there are a trainload of elderly aged Pepe LePew GIGOLOS out there, ready to take these ladies all the way to the bank.
My husband & I got married after 7 years of “dating”. We didn’t want to but due to lack of medical care at the VA (for me) we got married for his insurance benefits. We didn’t live together the first 2 years & had the best marriage. I had a surgery that caused me to move into his home…4 move since moving in. I still consider it his home, I just live there. heck, my 88 year old father-in-law(now 90) found love with a 70 something year old lady. She stays at his home most nights but smartly keeps her own home. They are affectionate like teenagers.
Otherwise known as going steady, or friend with benefits. This is just another way to recast the same old “sleeping together without the benefit of marriage” way of living life.
Why not just promote polygymy and stop trying to pretend that’s not what you’re doing?
A culture of narcissism…
Reading these posts just makes it all the more clear why the third world will soon swamp the Western countries and leave them in the dustbin of history. Selfish narcissism displayed here for all to see. No concern for future generations at all. But these people don’t care because they will be dead and gone. Thanks for ending 2000 years of Western Civilization.
Somewhere in all this someone might want to mention love. It does make a difference from time to time. I was thrown under the bus in mid-life. But I didn’t chicken out like my poor brother. More worried about his stuff than his heart. Embrace love, jump in and do your best.
Yep, you can’t take it with you. But I would have to know someone a very long time before remarriage to make sure they were truly interested in me and not for what I can give them.
End of life planning? No one needs to plan for the end of their life, it comes all on it’s own. Yea, I get what the term means but it’s off the mark being political correct. “Having a will covering your property and last wish/s” is to the point and not misunderstood but likely too harsh to say.
The West is being conquered thru colonization (aided and abetted by govt and apparatchiks) specifically because of the sexual revolution with its emphasis on gratifaction of self over devotion to God, family, and nation. God is an ever-present sovereign who demands of each soul: either celebate devotion to relationship with the Holy Spirit or life- long holy marriage as a foundation for fruitful multiplication of your culture’s offspring to dominate the world. Low birth rate is a sign of judgment and of being out of step with God.
Those who are multiplying ARE colonizing the West.
1st commandment—Genesis 1.28
New Covenant—1Co 7, Ac 15.28
Statistics and studies tend to make some people think the wrong way.
We’d all be better off if the ‘old-fashioned’ kind of marriage was
brought back and made the goal since, I believe, it would be a better
example for younger couples. Remember the ‘old-fashioned’ vows; ‘for
better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death, do us
part.’ There’s a number of areas in life where the ‘old-fashioned’ way
would do a world of good. Look at the condition of the world, and at the condition of young marriages; there is the evidence and proof that things must be turned around. Put ‘God’ back in the marriage/family, too.
I’m so tired of hearing about how society has to legitamize dysfunctional nitwits who can’t grow up,and normalize their endless adolescents.calling it…enlightened.
Only stands to reason. Women are more independent and therefore less interested in remarriage and a divorce system that favors women makes men are more cautious about remarrying. In addition, not marrying avoids financial complications over benefits and dividing assets upon death.
I blame the ‘feminist movement’ for much of what you mentioned.
Women need men as much as men need women; the money part is a side-track.
That’s a huge part of what’s wrong in today’s marriages and society; money rules.
I truly feel sorry for young couples today; the odds seem to be stacked against them.