Men Abused by Their Female Partners Stay Silent, New Study Shows Why

Domestic violence has long been framed as something that happens to women. That framing carries real consequences for the men living through abuse at the hands of female partners who feel they have nowhere to turn. A recent study surveyed more than 1,000 men who had been abused by female partners and found that shame, fear, and a strong sense that abuse should stay private keep many male victims from asking for help. Researchers tie those pressures to traditional expectations of masculinity, the idea that men should handle their own problems. Race and ethnicity shape that silence in ways existing support systems are largely unprepared to address.

More than half of the men surveyed said they viewed what was happening to them as a private matter, something to handle alone. Nearly half reported feeling shame or embarrassment. Almost as many worried their partner would falsely accuse them of wrongdoing or retaliate if they spoke up. For many men, these were not minor hesitations but real obstacles standing between silence and getting help. These barriers showed up across racial and ethnic groups, pointing to a problem that runs deeper than any single culture or community.

Not all men faced identical obstacles, though. The research, published in the journal Psychology of Men & Masculinities, found that Black, Latino, and White men shared a core set of concerns, yet the specific pattern of barriers each group reported pointed to real differences in how race, culture, and social structures shape a man’s decision to reach out or stay quiet.

Over 1,000 Men, Three Groups, One Overlooked Crisis

Researchers recruited 1,194 men through an online survey panel, targeting men between the ages of 18 and 59 living in the United States who identified as non-Latino Black, Latino, or non-Latino White, and who had experienced some form of aggression or abuse from a female romantic partner. The final sample included 596 Latino men, 299 Black men, and 299 White men. Participants were asked about various forms of abuse, including physical, sexual, and coercive control, a term for controlling behaviors like isolating someone from friends and family. Coercive control was the most commonly reported form of abuse at nearly 96%, followed by physical abuse at roughly 85%.

To measure barriers to help-seeking, researchers used a 17-item checklist developed specifically for the study, covering everything from shame and embarrassment to concerns about immigration status. Participants also had the opportunity to describe additional barriers in their own words, and a team of trained researchers reviewed those responses and organized them into 13 distinct themes.

What All the Men Had in Common

Across all three groups, the top barriers shared a common thread: fear of judgment and a powerful sense that abuse is something men should handle on their own. Viewing the abuse as a private or personal matter was the single most commonly reported barrier overall. Shame and embarrassment followed closely, along with fears that a partner might retaliate or make false accusations, and concerns about being blamed by whoever they turned to for help.

Researchers noted that these shared barriers likely reflect broad cultural expectations around masculinity, namely the idea that men should be self-reliant, emotionally tough, and capable of managing personal problems without outside help. The study does not establish that these expectations directly caused men to avoid help-seeking, but the pattern across groups is consistent with that broader cultural backdrop.

Nearly 40% of men also doubted whether any available resource could help. About two in five said they didn’t know where to go in the first place. Roughly one in three felt that available services weren’t relevant to men like them, a rate that held steady across all three racial and ethnic groups and points to a broad perception that domestic violence systems are built for someone else.

How Race and Ethnicity Shaped the Male Abuse Experience

While the core barriers were shared, the specific pattern of what men reported varied meaningfully by group.

Latino men reported significantly more total barriers than Black men. Over half of Latino respondents said they didn’t know how to disclose their experiences, a significantly higher rate than both Black and White men. Latino men were also significantly more likely than White men to cite language barriers and concerns about immigration status as reasons for not seeking help. Concerns about bringing shame or dishonor to their families were significantly more common among Latino men than among Black or White men. Partner interference, meaning the abusive partner actively prevented them from reaching out, was also reported at higher rates among Latino men compared to White men.

For Black men, the most commonly reported barrier was also viewing the abuse as a private matter. Black men were less likely than both Latino and White men to report concerns about not being believed or facing bias. Researchers were careful not to offer a confident explanation for this difference. They noted that the finding “warrants cautious interpretation given broader historical and structural contexts” and called for more research to understand what drives that pattern. The study does not establish why this difference exists, and the authors did not draw conclusions about the underlying mechanism.

White men, meanwhile, were significantly more likely than Latino men to report difficulty recognizing or labeling what was happening to them as abuse in the first place. In the open-ended responses, one White man noted simply that he “did not know it was aggressive.” Researchers documented this as a meaningful barrier among White men, though the study did not test what specifically drives that difficulty.

A System That Wasn’t Built for Male Abuse Victims

What this study makes plain is that male victims of domestic violence are not failing to seek help out of indifference. They are caught between personal shame, cultural expectations, and services that strike many of them as irrelevant or out of reach. Those pressures land differently depending on a man’s background. Language access and immigration fears weigh on Latino men, difficulty naming abuse as abuse surfaces among White men, and Black men report lower concern about bias or disbelief, a pattern the authors say needs further study before anyone can explain it.

Until support systems account for all of these realities, and not only the experiences of women or of White men, many male victims may keep seeing the help that exists as irrelevant or out of reach. Not because help doesn’t exist, but because for many of these men, it doesn’t yet feel like it was made for them.

Disclaimer: This article summarizes findings from a single peer-reviewed study and is intended for general informational purposes only. It is not medical, psychological, or legal advice. The research surveyed men who experienced abuse from female partners and may not reflect the experiences of all victims of intimate partner violence. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, help is available through the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

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